From a better place of having healed,matured ,grown ,found my happy place,rediscovered myself,found some of my bearings,accepted that my plans and Gods plans may differ every now and then,owned my story,embraced and adapted to changes,forgiven and owned my mistakes and more so having experienced Grace like a flood from God, i do want to share this part of my story. Some of you know it ,others came onboard when it became a past while others have an idea of it from what i shared a couple of years back on my social media platforms.
For two years it was blissful ,most days i was in awe of how thoughtful and amazing he was, everyone who knew us then thought we made the cutest and coolest couple in campus and maybe we did. I first saw him on a Tuesday evening at around 5pm after getting to Thika from my violin class at the Kenya conservatoire ,on one hand i had my heavy violin and on the other hand i was responding to a text when i felt someone hit me ( he was trying to squeeze himself out of a tiny door instead of just saying excuse me ,hahahha, how rude ?! ) almost making my violin fall and all that came from him was a grin and a not so polite sorry.He claimed to not remember this very first encounter so let me go with the one we all remember before we fast forward to Sheyce.
It was on a Friday morning and my 7am class had bounced so i was walking back home in snail speed trying to think of how i was going to maximize on that long weekend and he passed me twice on the road so the third time he decided to say Hi which was a whole one hour long,but the one hour bore a movie date and a series of hang outs doing things that i loved like endless hours of watching stars and listening to music as we gazed into the skies and occasionally admiring the beautiful view of Thika town by night. A few months of platonic friendship went by so fast and one night after a cook out with our friends ,he went like ; soooo,i like you and i wanna try this relationship thing out,but with you,what do you think ? hahaha,i know how it sounds but he said something like that and because it was a mutual feeling , i said Yes ,we can do this and he gave me one of his many bangles on his wrist to mark the beginning of that young love.
Dating was fun,and mostly had highs than lows. The love felt right,seemed right and we had a whole future planned out.We loved hosting,cook outs and night outs with our friends, if we were not having a packet of smokies with ketchup on a late afternoon after classes then we were watching a movie or out on a long drive or even short nature trails. Two years into dating,meeting families and getting more serious with our relationship,we found out i was preggers and everything changed.
I have never understood why men are so scared of a girl being pregnant and why its them that go through the most stressing and worrying than the girl yet she is the one who will go through everything that a pregnancy brings forth ;from morning sickness to the fatigue, giving birth,PTSD and not to forget the walk of shame for 9months.But come to think of it, men and women process things very differently so maybe that’s why they act the way they do. Finding out i was preggers and adamantly making the decision to keep the baby was the beginning of a struggling ,emotionally draining,financially straining,blame throwing, word throwing,unhappy and toxic relationship. We both played a part in how toxic it got and none of us wanted to let go,so we kept on trying to make it work and overlooking how toxic our relationship had become.
During one of our bluff breaks ups, i chose a name for Sheyce, the name ORIANNA which means something golden ,a gem ,very special because that’s what she was and still is. I still named her ORIANNA but it only gets used in school and at the hospital because most people cannot pronounce the name Sheyce leave alone gather the courage to try and read it out loud. At 8months, we made up and he was now warming up to the idea of being a dad and together we created the name SHEYCE which was picked out from our names ;The short form for GACERU is SHEru and my other name is joYCE and because she was from a place of a beautiful young love,we said that we would tell her ,her name means YOUNG LOVE.
For me Sheyce is a beautiful Gift of Love, it may no longer be there but when it was ,this is what it GIFTED me. At some point i wanted to forget that it ever existed and even made me happy and gave me beautiful memories but today ,am grateful for when it was,what it was and what came from it. It was not the best i have had yet,not the happiest yet,not the most beautiful yet,not the most perfect yet,not the healthiest kind of love yet and not my dream kind of love yet but from it i learnt how to Love when i can,how to forgive and see past flaws and imperfections of others,how its important to leave something when you need to and not when you have to,how to let go and accept the outcome of your decisions and choices,how to give chances and see good in circumstances and situations,how important it is to not lean on my own understanding and instead Trust in God,how Gods’ grace is unmerited and undeserved and unearned and is for us all ,how to not hold onto what has been done to us ,how to reinvent oneself ,i could go on and on but i know you get it.
I love Sage as much as i love Sheyce but today i thought of sharing about Sheyce because her name goes with the theme of this month. Sage’s story is special on its own,its too recent and present to be told yet.
We all have different tales about love and the many kinds of love we have experienced and some are beautiful,others are ugly,others are goals and others are simple yet the most meaningful.LOVE is the greatest of all gifts and it should be everything that 1st Corinthians 13 says it should be.
Here we are ,a year later, smiling and a genuinely grateful heart as i share this.Its amazing how with time and with God things get better in a way you never thought they would. From my experience i learnt that Love is a beautiful thing when done right and with God,where there is love there shouldn’t be pain,tears,heartache,malice,abuse or lies,Love should bring out the very best in us,Love is not conditional or seasonal and God is Love.
HAPPY VALENTINES GUYS ,lets celebrate LOVE everyday and may the kind of LOVE you are experiencing be the BEAUTIFUL kind.
Love & Light,
Photography: Naphtali Foster
Hair: La pride salon