COLOR in LIFE…

Darkness terrifies me ,throw me to the wolves in the brightest hour of the day but do not leave me out in the dark alone. For a very long time i had been wanting to wake up at 5;30am for a morning run but because the mornings have been unusually dark,it did not feel as guilty as i pulled the blankets and adjusted to a better position for the never disappointing morning nap; that morning nap after snoozing the alarm is always the best for some reason.

Am quite decisive and i will rarely find myself playing with a thought, i will tend to just make the decision and see what happens. So the other day i decided to get over my fear of darkness and quench that craving for that morning run and i have to say ,its been a beautifully exhilarating experience for the few days i have continually woken up to run. Like today,my whole body was aching,stretching before my run was a task but there was this amazingly beautiful full moon with some shades of orange in the opposite direction which is coincidentally like my finishing line and that alone was my motivation ,i had to chase the moon as much as my brain and body wanted to convince me otherwise.

You see the shades of colors in a simple moon ?,for me they represented the colors in my simple life. The loved ones in my life,the health,the inner peace,my Anchor ,the every now and then priceless moments,the will to learn and to keep pushing,the hearty laughter every now and then,the amazing help from those in my life,the perspective,the good days,the little and big friendships,the Vision that drives me,my little people,the chances i get ,the beautiful kind of love,my siblings,the opportunities and the ability to do things. Those things are what add more color to my simple life for me and from my perspective.

As you grow older, you get to live more simply and more appreciative of what may seem normal yet its not and you learn that gratitude for what you have,as little or as big as it is helps you learn the art of contentment. Being content doesn’t come as easy,its a struggle because there is the constant need for more growth,more perfection in this and that,more of this and that ,a little of this to have more of that but when you sit and see what has made your life beautiful and colorful and makes you grateful then some sense of contentment creeps in.

My 25th year was mostly beautiful and colorful , probably one of the top best years of my life yet,not because it was perfect and it had everything my heart desired but because its the one year i intentionally chose to ground myself in His word and obey it,to positively take in the consequences of my actions and let them teach me valuable lessons,to be grateful and content with what was in my life in each and every season ,to continually and persistently seek God and His purpose for me,to reinvent myself and be anchored in Christ,to believe in becoming everything and anything i have always wanted and to never doubt where i am in life because that is exactly where God needed and wanted me to be at that particular time and for that particular season of my life.

Am excited and slightly nervous to turn a year older, am now four years shy from 3rd floor and maybe that is what is making me anxious but i will choose to overlook the anxiety and keep the excitement of the thought that i will be wiser now, maybe more thoughtful ,more opportunities ,more growth,more of everything basically. I pray for a beautiful ,blessed,favored and colorful 26th year …..

Thank you for being in this journey with me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me …. my heart is full…

Love & Light,

Waceke.

 

The GIFT of LOVE …

From a better place of having healed,matured ,grown ,found my happy place,rediscovered myself,found some of my bearings,accepted that my plans and Gods plans may differ every now and then,owned my story,embraced and adapted to changes,forgiven and owned my mistakes and more so having experienced Grace like a flood from God, i do want to share this part of my story. Some of you know it ,others came onboard when it became a past while others have an idea of it from what i shared a couple of years back on my social media platforms.

For two years it was blissful ,most days i was in awe of how thoughtful and amazing he was, everyone who knew us then thought we made the cutest and coolest couple in campus and maybe we did. I first saw him on a Tuesday evening at around 5pm after getting to Thika from my violin class at the Kenya conservatoire ,on one hand i had my heavy violin and on the other hand i was responding to a text when i felt someone hit me ( he was trying to squeeze himself out of a tiny door instead of just saying excuse me ,hahahha, how rude ?! ) almost making my violin fall and all that came from him was a grin and a not so polite sorry.He claimed to not remember this very first encounter so let me go with the one we all remember before we fast forward to Sheyce.

It was on a Friday morning and my 7am class had bounced so i was walking back home in snail speed trying to think of how i was going to maximize on that long weekend and he passed me twice on the road so the third time he decided to say Hi which was a whole one hour long,but the one hour bore a movie date and a series of hang outs doing things that i loved like endless hours of watching stars and listening to music as we gazed into the skies and occasionally admiring the beautiful view of Thika town by night.  A few months of platonic friendship went by so fast and one night after a cook out with our friends ,he went like ; soooo,i like you and i wanna try this relationship thing out,but with you,what do you think ? hahaha,i know how it sounds but he said something like that and because it was a mutual feeling , i said Yes ,we can do this and he gave me one of his many bangles on his wrist to mark the beginning of that young love.

Dating was fun,and mostly had highs than lows. The love felt right,seemed right and we had a whole future planned out.We loved hosting,cook outs and night outs with our friends, if we were not having a packet of smokies with ketchup on a late afternoon after classes then we were watching a movie or out on a long drive or even short nature trails. Two years into dating,meeting families and getting more serious with our relationship,we found out i was preggers and everything changed.

I have never understood why men are so scared of a girl being pregnant and why its them that go through the most stressing and worrying than the girl yet she is the one who will go through everything that a pregnancy brings forth ;from morning sickness to the fatigue, giving birth,PTSD and not to forget the walk of shame for 9months.But come to think of it, men and women process things very differently so maybe that’s why they act the way they do. Finding out i was preggers and adamantly making the decision to keep the baby was the beginning of a struggling ,emotionally draining,financially straining,blame throwing, word throwing,unhappy and toxic relationship. We both played a part in how toxic it got and none of us wanted to let go,so we kept on trying to make it work and overlooking how toxic our relationship had become.

During one of our bluff breaks ups, i chose a name for Sheyce, the name ORIANNA which means something golden ,a gem ,very special because that’s what she was and still is. I still named her ORIANNA but it only gets used in school and at the hospital because most people cannot pronounce the name Sheyce leave alone gather the courage to try and read it out loud. At 8months, we made up and he was now warming up to the idea of being a dad and together we created the name SHEYCE which was picked out from our names ;The short form for GACERU is SHEru and my other name is joYCE and because she was from a place of a beautiful young love,we said that we would tell her ,her name means YOUNG LOVE.

For me Sheyce is a beautiful Gift of Love, it may no longer be there but when it was ,this is what it GIFTED me. At some point i wanted to forget that it ever existed and even made me happy and gave me beautiful memories but today ,am grateful for when it was,what it was and what came from it. It was not the best i have had yet,not the happiest yet,not the most beautiful yet,not the most perfect yet,not the healthiest kind of love yet and not my dream kind of love yet but from it i learnt how to Love when i can,how to forgive and see past flaws and imperfections of others,how its important to leave something when you need to and not when you have to,how to let go and accept the outcome of your decisions and choices,how to give chances and see good in circumstances and situations,how important it is to not lean on my own understanding and instead Trust in God,how Gods’ grace is unmerited and undeserved and unearned and is for us all ,how to not hold onto what has been done to us ,how to reinvent oneself ,i could go on and on but i know you get it.

I love Sage as much as i love Sheyce but today i thought of sharing about Sheyce because her name goes with the theme of this month. Sage’s story is special on its own,its too recent and present to be told yet.

We all have different tales about love and the many kinds of love we have experienced and some are beautiful,others are ugly,others are goals and others are simple yet the most meaningful.LOVE is the greatest of all gifts and it should be everything that 1st Corinthians 13 says it should be.

Here we are ,a year later, smiling and a genuinely grateful heart as i share this.Its amazing how with time and with God things get better in a way you never thought they would. From my experience i learnt that Love is a beautiful thing when done right and with God,where there is love there shouldn’t be pain,tears,heartache,malice,abuse or lies,Love should bring out the very best in us,Love is not conditional or seasonal and God is Love.

HAPPY VALENTINES GUYS ,lets celebrate LOVE everyday and may the kind of LOVE you are experiencing be the BEAUTIFUL kind.

Love & Light,

Waceke.

Details :

Photography: Naphtali Foster

Hair: La pride salon

 

 

Rising Above ….

It’s on a Wednesday i think ,the day was quite productive running a couple of my friends’ errands and even going to the gym for the first time ever and as we are driving back home, an idea strikes me and i share it as a by the way and forget about it. A few days later,she calls me up asking me how to execute the idea and am like, ‘ooooh,you think its a good idea? and she goes like ,yeeeaaaa it is and we should go ahead and execute it.

So here is the thing, am a very creative person and i always have a fleet of ideas, some are executed,some are floating somewhere in the air ,some are shared and freely given to other creatives to execute and some are still being thought of without even knowing it.Most times,am confident about my ideas but very weary of the execution and how others will receive them ;questions like ,is this even creative,does this even make sense,will people even see it like i do,is this good enough ? will keep playing in my head and sometimes they will win and the idea is thrown under the rug until am confident enough to not care about my fears.

I know i come off as a very confident person but i believe we all have seasons that we are not so confident. My idea was executed, sooner than i had even thought and it was beautiful. And the feeling of seeing it unfold and actually take shape was just amazing.

And from that, i told myself that 2019 will be the year i rise above my fears of what the outcome will be, of trying new things,of stepping out of my comfort zone, of what people will say,of the what Ifs and what could be and just go ahead and do things. We cannot always be right or successful on the first attempt or avoid failure or stay in our safe bubble or keep on hoping for things to get better as we just sit around playing it safe. We need to see past whatever hinders us from making the moves we need to,to get us to the next level.

Make it your goal to rise above your fears, your worries,your excuses,your weaknesses,your past mistakes,your past failures, the limitations you have set for yourself,the little voices in your head that hold you back,your comfort zone,the fear of failing for the 100th time,judgement from those around you,peoples opinions of you or your ideas ; thing is,rise above everything that has held you back to becoming the person you feel God purposed you to be.

I believe in God’s purpose and plan for me to align with either the desires He has put in my heart,or in the talents or gifts He has placed in me and for me to fully become that person,i need to rise above everything.

I wish you a very productive year 2019 ,lets rise above all odds together and lets continue becoming.

I look forward to sharing and engaging more with you.

 

Love & Light ,

Waceke .

 

Details:

Hair by ;La pride salon

Jewellery; Tamadu creations

Photography; Naphtali Foster

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