Just the other day i was celebrating my 19th birthday on a rooftop with a bottle of Amarula ,a few bottles of whisky ,two cakes ,two mbuzi choma ,a loving boyfriend,a couple of friends and of cos a shisha bong.I look back and wonder how and why i thought that was the “IT” life ,you know? But hey,if there was none of this in my journey ,then i wouldn’t be in the now i am in. The mistakes that brought fourth the lessons are the reason am on the path am on today.
A few years later ,here i am ,celebrating my 27th birthday in the house ,on the dining table with my laptop trying to ignore my teething and irritable one year old howling screams at her six year old sister who nowadays seems to enjoy arguing with me at any given chance ; silently wishing i had sneaked out ,done a solo drive to Naivasha ,sat in a corner of some fancy looking space and enjoyed some salted caramel cake and a smoothie maybe but you know what,am grateful for today and being able to spend my day with family and babies,I will make time for myself in the coming days. Now am a mother of two,not married, doing this amazing Kairos study which is helping me understand more about Gods mission , am in a Bible study group that i love, enjoy and look forward to every week, i have a strong dislike for that whisky smell , i cant stand shisha smoke, most of my days are spent with babies, very close friends and family ,the most i can drink down to my stomach is a bottle of Savannah beer or half a glass of leleshwa wine in which this is like once every three months. And most importantly ,i value my relationship with God now and i try my best to do what is right and to keep seeking Him out.
So much can change in such a short span of time and the best one can do is to try and embrace the changes ,especially the good kind of changes ;but i hear there are no bad changes and people who talk of bad changes, are resisting the changes. So as God blesses me with another beautiful year to live His purpose, know and understand His mission, Glorify his name through the gifts and talents he has placed in me,bless others with the blessings he has accorded me,create memories with my family and friends,touch lives,fulfill my dreams , achieve my goals,love myself more and discover my worth and value, experience his wonders and diversity in the world through travel, make wiser and better decisions,grow in the opportunities he has given me and more so continue to experience his unmerited Grace and undeserved favor i would love to share some of the 26 things i have learnt along the way ;
1.Trust the process. Our journey is different,life can seem unfair to some of us sometimes but sometimes it is due to the comparison of our journey with that of our friends. Be patient and learn how to TRUST the process. God is working on something good and you will eventually get to your destination.
2. Read. Whether its online or actual books ,read as much as you can. It broadens your mind, challenges your thinking and there is always something new to learn.
3.Show up for others. It means a lot when you are physically present for friends and family especially during huge life milestones ,good or bad. BUT sometimes circumstances may not allow you to be physically present and that should not be used to determine the kind of friend you are or define your value for that friendship. Being there in prayers and through moral support is also part of showing up.
4.Financial stability in a man. I know how this sounds,and i know a few will think you are materialistic but here is the thing,one of the key roles of a man in the family is provision and for Him to do this ,he needs to be financially stable. I did not care about this until i had kids and stayed unemployed for awhile.
5.Make peace. Peace is important. Make peace with yourself ,for the mistakes you have made,the bad decisions you have made that have stretched out to the people you care for ,with the people you have wronged ,with your shame on me moments and most importantly with your past and with God.Embrace the Now ,the growth and lessons that have come with all of that.
6. If you cannot afford then say it. Do not feel any shame in saying out loud that you cannot afford to chip into something, hangout, attend an event, be apart of an outing, support a friends occasion or idea. If you cant,then you cant. NO shame or the feeling of embarrassment and you owe no one an explanation as to why you cant afford it because it could be unemployment, personal financial priorities, responsibilities and so many other things.
7.Ask for help. Gosh do i struggle with asking for help. I don’t even understand why i have to wait until the very last minute to ask for some assistance but am learning as i go. Learn how to ask for help ,whether it is for your emotional and mental wellness, financial needs, moral support,whatever it is ;just ask.
8.Peoples perceptions and opinions of you are not in your control. Yes you can play a big role in influencing what others think of you but sometimes people just want to see the bad in you or imagine the worst your character could do. You cannot control what people pick out of your interaction with them, that’s on them and not you so don’t beat yourself up about it.
9.Forgive often. Forgiving is for you ,it makes your heart feel better and lighter and it is what God needs you to do so please,forgive as many times as you need to.BUT forgiveness doesn’t mean reconnecting with those people and having them in your every day life ;but you can be in the same space without feeling your heart tighten and having your nose flair and face turn pink. Hahaha
10.Save your money. Most of us struggle with this but you will thank yourself some day for saving just enough to hold you down on a rainy day. You do not need to have a lot of money to put aside some savings.
11.Be selfish. With your time, friendship,thoughts and finances sometimes. Invest in people that are genuinely for you and would do the same for you. Not everyone is worth a whole lot of you ,just sometimes.
12.Gods time and your time will sometimes differ. We make so many plans for ourselves and when they don’t go as we had anticipated we get really mad,angry and disappointed at God. This has happened to me severally ,and i have come to learn how to be patient and do my part then wait on His time for everything to come to life and i honestly have been awed by His timing. Its always much better when things happen in Gods timing but its something i have to keep learning.
13.Keep a small circle of friends . I find like this has helped me grow because i have chosen better friends overtime that i keep close,they are honest,real and lovingly blunt with me. They are my prayer warriors and have been there for me and with me during my good and bad times. A small circle of friends is also not likely to have dramatic occurrences because you are like family to each other and everyone values each other.
14.Take care of your Emotional and Mental wellness. You need to be stable emotionally and mentally to be a better person, to be productive and to keep pushing on in life. Be very intentional and deliberate when it comes to making sure you stay away from people or situations that threaten the wellness of your emotions and mental state. And it is very okay to ask for help to help you get to a stable state.
15.Money comes and goes,hierarchy isn’t here to stay ,so learn how to exercise humility even at your highest. You never know about tomorrow and where you will be. Also be Kind at all times.
16.Do not celebrate too soon. This mostly applies to when you are trying to put others down or blow out someone else’s candle. I have learnt that what goes around ,comes around and when you think you have succeeded in getting someone out of your way unfairly and maliciously, God finds them a better and more defined position and some day ,you will cross paths. Be careful about what you celebrate about,sometimes its premature.
17.Make use of your talents and gifts to Glorify God. We all have talents and gifts that have been placed in us and we need to make use of them. This year,am making so much use of talents and gifts i have been sitting on for so many years and i cannot wait to share them with others.
18.Be a blessing to others. When God blesses you ,share your blessings with others. Giving in church towards charity or mission is a way of you sharing your financial blessing.
19.Pay attention to the different seasons in your life. Some seasons are better than others but in everything season there is something new to learn especially about yourself and in some seasons ,beautiful characters,strengths are born.
20.Your health is very important. Take care of your health the best way you can and remember that eating clean and doing exercise is also some kind of self love. Love yourself .
21.Travel. Marvel at Gods creation and diversity ,travel when you can and as far as you can. This also gives you the best kind of exposure.
22.Journal everything. Write down your ideas, create your vision board.There is power in this,some attraction of some sort because they come to pass.I write everything, even the very little things.
23.Friends. The friends you surround yourself with will either build and grow you or ruin and corrupt your character. Be wise, be picky with who you choose to do every day life with.
24.Do not make excuses for others especially those you “supposedly” love. I learnt that i cannot make excuses for how am abused ,how am handled,how am treated,for the toxicity brought forth by someone else. We are grown people, fully responsible of our actions towards others, our choices that affect those we love and care for and our decisions that either inflict pain or bring happiness to those around us. I cannot excuse a corrupt ,selfish ,mean,narcissistic character. I should always remember am deserving and worthy and to distance myself from people that will need their actions and characters excused.
25.Failure . This is part of life,it is part of the learning process. Relationships fail, businesses fail, friends and family fail us and we fail them, it is okay. We learn,dust ourselves,make up where we need to,reconcile what needs to be reconciled,try again and keep moving forward. You have to fail a couple of times before you get it right.
26.God should be at the center of everything. A life without God is so meaningless and unfulfilling.Seek Him out and do life with Him.
There are other things ,so many things i have learnt along the way and i can only imagine how much more i will learn as i grow older. Thank you for making it so far in my post,it was so long but hey,it makes up for the many months i have not jotted anything down.
I pray for a beautiful ,blessed and highly favored 27th year.