Maybe it would be nice to start with an apology for the lack of consistency on this platform,but if you ask me,my absence felt like it was something i really needed,am not fully back,this is just me trying to get back into things i love doing,things that give me joy,keep me distracted ,help me not lose myself in all the chaos that sometimes come with parenting,are inline with what i feel is my purpose and somehow make dull days a bit brighter.
Lack of interest in things,feeling demotivated,crazy fatigue,battling with staying sane,very low productivity,the feeling of stagnation ,sometimes unnecessary anxiety ,on and off irritability by the silliest things were slowly becoming the norm and taking a toll on me. Better days are there,its not like they never were ,its just that sometimes the bad days felt like they outdid the good ones.
So many kinds of mom i have been,from the young mom,dating mom,school going mom,working mom,full time stay at home mom,entrepreneur mom,single mom,co-parenting mom to a blended family mom and in all phases there were the highs and the lows and at some point i have been all at a go so you can imagine that sometimes i have to pause and do as little and as basic as just breathe.
The last couple of weeks i have struggled to embrace the idea of taking some time out from the kids without feeling even an ounce of guilt because i know i need it and it will make me a better person.Some days am very enthusiastic to work out,take a walk,get that drawing book and draw those 90s cartoons,take out my camera which i haven’t used for the last 3 months or so and snap away whatever catches the eye,get in the kitchen and whip up some yummy cinnamon rolls,log into my blog and share something or just go out and cycle as i enjoy nature but most days,am too exhausted to do anything for myself except devour some dark chocolate,read something ,watch something on Netflix in the midst of attention seeking cute kids trying to drive me nuts,spend some good me time in the shower because at least there i get to be alone for a smidge,look forward to bedtime,look forward to dates with the mister which have not come my way as much as i would have wanted thanks to the medical world and its never ending responsibilities but oh well and spend time with my best friend who comes through waaaaay more than i deserve maybe but God do i love that girl.
Mommy burnout can be quite brutal,you feel like you are staggering through life,there is no balance and its like everything has come to a halt.I have also been frazzled with the person i have become,very irritable,drained,quick to withdraw,intolerant,making decisions with so much finality and extremely self conscious. For me to get to this point where i finally logged into the blog and am here trying to put my thoughts in an organized manner, my best friend got me to take some time out from being mommy over the weekend.She went ahead and booked us into an Airbnb after a friend’s wedding and all we did was debrief,watch a whole uninterrupted Netflix movie as we snacked away and i got at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep even if i still woke up at 7am and failed at trying to fall back asleep because my body is already tuned to starting the day at 7am hahahaha.
It is probably a better week,trying to be a little bit more intentional with my days and how productive they should be,avoiding to procrastinate as much as i usually do and really trying to be as consistent as i can with everything i had going on and i had shoved aside.
Being mommy is beautiful ,it just can get a little crazy and overwhelming sometimes.I will be very deliberate with my time away from the kids whenever i can and be sure to not lose myself in it all.
I have digressed so much,i don’t think this is my best written piece yet,i feel like my thought process was everywhere but hey,i got here,i put together something and you got to read it,that’s something.
Love & Light,