Beautiful “Shame”…

Pregnant at 20, not exactly married but in a promising relationship,still in campus, no job and still a child according to a Kenyan parent. I wrap up my semester,move back home,carry my “shame” with shame as i stay out of sight from people and completely keep off social social media for awhile. I keep a few friends close,start getting excited and looking forward to a baby,baby comes and boom, life changes for the better,my optimistic self is back,i get super enthusiastic about life and start finding my bearings again,get back on social media and share my life as a young mommy with the hope to inspire and motivate other young moms who may be in the same journey as mine.

A few months into motherhood,the society starts to slowly warm up and i get to keep some of my old friendships but lose most of them,time to time i tag the baby to Church and some events and a year down the line she is no longer a “shame” but a beautiful blessing. In between life is beautiful,i go back to school, get contracted to do some online jobs,my relationship is more promising,i start a blog and share our domestic escapades,Sheyce is growing and glowing and it feels like am living my best life yet as a 20-something year old with a young family.

Sheyce turns three and life takes a different turn,a very unexpected turn just to say the least. My relationship is struggling and am giving up on it,Sheyce joins play school,i join an amazing Institution,the Mister is running a seemingly promising business but things are not as good or as blissful as they seem to be. I choose to stay positive and hopeful that everything will get better with time and in the process i meet amazing people and cultivate beautiful friendships that have been some of the best i have had yet up to date.

In my 24th year, Sheyce is 4years now and things have now moved from bad to worse. She is still growing beautifully and oblivious of what is going on,finally i let go of my struggling relationship in a not amicable way that leaves no chance for being cordial at least for the next couple of months,days i struggle with emotional instability or maybe a little depression which i would quickly snap out of but with amazing friends all around me, i was seemingly still doing alright and with my kind of personality it is very hard to see my struggles.So not many people are aware of what is going on in my personal life.

Just two months into winding up the year, we find out Sheyce is going to be a big sister and there i was again with a beautiful “shame” to behold. Not in a relationship this time,working in an institution that upholds Christian values,in the same society that sees “shame” in out of wedlock pregnancies, in my mothers house,with a four year old daughter already,in school struggling to finish that overdue bachelors, trying to chase dreams and achieve goals,struggling with financial growth and independence,struggling with my spiritual awareness and growth and at the same time trying to find me and my innermost self.

This time though,am more aware of what am getting myself into and how blessed i am to be a second time mom; planned or unplanned,married or not, grown or not, shame or not,am proud of myself for choosing life and for the new blessing in our lives.

Today, 5 yrs 6 months later,am a proud 25year old mom of two beautiful blessings that make life have more meaning and purpose. The society may view my experiences as shameful ,and maybe it depends on where you come from but its a beautiful kind of shame. It is the kind of shame that makes your journey more beautiful,the kind that God’s grace,favor and faithfulness is seen in ,the kind that you get to mold and nurture and watch growth that makes you very proud,the kind that makes you look forward to tomorrow and work harder than ever before,the kind that teaches you about unconditional love,patience and other fruits of the spirit,the kind that adds another title to the Miss,Mr,Mrs,Eng.,Dr and the kind that makes every experience in the journey worth it.

Am not advocating for children out of wedlock or telling the young girls and boys to go ahead and INDULGE in extra co-curricular activities and see no wrong in it. Sometimes the choices and decisions we make get us in situations we had never thought of and its only because of Gods grace we are able to pull through and embrace the changes that are brought forth by our choices,actions and decisions so learn from others. If you can,do things the right way,go to school, get a job and grow your career,meet a good partner and WAIT until you get married then have babies but if you are already here like me,with your beautiful “shame” ,OWN it, do better now that you know better and fully embrace the changes. Love your beautiful “shame” and don’t be ashamed of it. Also remember that you have to work extra hard than your peers and sometimes,chances can run out, so be wiser now and don’t find yourself in the same predicament overtime.

Sending Love & Light to you guys…

Love & Joy ,

Waceke….

One word…

Is it even possible to use just one word to describe someone ?,especially one with a strong personality,is full of character and is quite talented ? .

This is Sheyce’s 5th birthday week,she has been excited about it since early this year and as the date nears,she has all this ideas about the day and how she wants it to look like and am a bit confused because she wants a little of everything in one day. So i asked her to describe what she wants in one word;you know,does she want a fun party,themed party,crazy party,simple party? and she couldn’t settle for one;then i realized its quite hard to actually describe something using just one word.

As young as she is, i cant find a word to describe her, she is smart,very goofy,loves arts,has an interest in gymnastics(does the most dangerous stunts that leave us cringing),archery(a story for another day) and soccer ball(she calls football that),enjoys picking her own outfits and doing photo shoots which she mostly initiates and gladly directs and we all agree she is a natural ,an avid bookworm,interested in instruments and music recitals and orchestras,strikes very witty and engaging conversations that leave you questioning her age,enjoys helping out in house chores especially in the kitchen and i could go on and on about Sheyce,but you can already see why it is hard to use one word to describe her or even herself to describe the kind of party she wants for her birthday because of her diverse interests.

One word is something we have commonly been told to use especially to describe a person,a feeling ,an emotion ,an event and sometimes it can be accurate but most times it covers just a third of the feeling ,opinion or emotion about something or someone. Yes the one word saves times and tries to bring every little thing together to make it one but sometimes we  need to give some things the time they deserve.

So i wont try and find just one word to describe this little person or even describe how much she has grown in that one year using one word.She is every little and big beautiful thing and no one word would describe her perfect. But i would love to hear the one word you would use to describe Sheyce from the much or little i have shared about her…. 🙂

I will share a blog post every day this week because its a special week to us.

Have a blessed week ahead…

Pictures by Naphtali Foster

Love & Joy

 

 

Stop and smell the roses…

Often times we have been told to stop or pause and simply appreciate and enjoy where we are in life even if its not exactly where we hoped to be at that particular time,just appreciate being in the present and be grateful for it.

It is very easy to focus on what has not been,what if it had been like this or what of doing it like who and forget of the little strides you have made to get you where you are and how much there is to actually be soaked in and be grateful for.

We are in December, and as i reflect on how that year has been its very easy for me to focus on what i did not manage to accomplish that i had hoped and planned to but i choose to stop and smell the roses and so should you. It cant always be blissful,good and bad alternate and change is inevitable.

And even when life happens and throws you off balance ;stop,reflect,strategize,find your bearings and appreciate the little good that you may have ignored when life was happening and throwing you off balance before you start picking up your pace again.

So happy new month,take sometime to stop and smell the roses as we wind up the year 2018.

Photography by Naphtali Foster

Thank you for stopping by….

 

Love & Light …

Waceke.

 

 

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